Bear with me....

I started this blog to have a place to show off the kids. Both sets of grandparents live out of town plus we have extended family all across the country. I wanted them to see the boys grow and give everyone little tidbits of our daily lives. As time has gone on, my blog has progressed. Sometimes I use it as a platform, sometimes as a way to brag on myself, and, yes, I still like to show off my boys.

Today I need this blog as a form of therapy.

Today I witnessed the saddest thing I have ever experienced.

Today I will forever be changed.

Our friends and neighbors lost their son on Thursday. His funeral was today. Colin McConaughy was only 2 years old.

Sitting in the church I recognized about half of the people as neighbors. Jacob and I sat with my closest friend Tracy. In front of us two neighbors and their families that have become like family to us. None of us spoke. There were a couple of goofy faces between the kids, but the parents couldn't even look at each other.

The service started with the hymn "On Eagle's Wings". Even on a normal Sunday this song chokes me up. None of us could sing. Then a very small casket was slowly carried to the front of the church. The tiny silvery blue casket was adorned with white roses and blue carnations. It was beautifully sad. Colin was followed by his parents. Andrea and Rob had tears coming down their faces. So did the rest of us.

The mass was very sweet. Father John said perfect words to Colin's family. Words that just seemed appropriate. Words that they needed to hear.

When the mass was over Father John said that the parents would like to read a letter that they had written to their son. There was a sorrowful gasp throughout the church. Rob slowly approached the podium. Andrea couldn't find the strength to stand up and go with him. So Rob read their letter. After he said the words, "Dear Colin," the sobbing began. Not from Rob, but from every parent in the congregation. There was this blanket of saddness that came over every person there. I listened to every word that Rob read. This letter could have been written by any one of us. He talked about Colin's first words, his love of the letter Q, him being "Mommy's shadow". The most heart wrenching part was when he read Goodnight Moon and finished with "Goodnight Colin. Goodnight noises everywhere."

There wasn't a dry eye in the church.

This saddness was overwhelming.

We took them dinner tonight. I had to say a prayer for strength before we left the house. I didn't want to fall apart in front of them. We rang the doorbell and they welcomed us into their home with open arms. My small contribution to their awful day just didn't seem like enough. I wanted to cry and scream, "WHY? WHY! WHY?" We talked for about five minutes. I told them how much their letter ment to all of us and how much Colin has changed our lives. Andrea smiled and said that she was happy we had a chance to meet Colin and be part of thier lives.

Tonight I will hold on to my boys a little tighter and a little longer.

Tonight I want my friends and family to know how much I love them and care about them.

Like I said, today...I am forever changed.

A Very Sad Neighborhood

It seems like when something bad happens time just stands still and the world just goes on around you.

We have new neighbors that moved in last summer. Our older boys are the same age and play well together. Andrea and I have joined a small neighborhood book club. It has been so fun getting to know her ... she is a very interesting person.

Yesterday her youngest son (2 years old) passed away. He got sick on Tuesday, they found that he had a brain tumor on Wednesday, and he died on Thursday morning. All of the neighbors are in shock.

Today I will go over to Andrea's house to offer my help and support. I don't know what to say. There is nothing that I can say to make anything better or easier. I believe just saying, "I don't know what to say" is better than saying nothing at all though. I cannot begin to imagine her pain and sadness. The ultimate grief is the loss of a child.

It will be a very hard year for my new friend. I will pray for her and her family and hope our friendship will provide her an outlet to grieve.

Shingles

On Christmas morning Jacob was so excited to get a new scooter. It is the type that has a lever on the back that you pump and it will propel you forward. Very cool. He loved it and rode it in the cold Kentucky weather. The next day we went to North Carolina to spend Christmas with my family and he rode it in their driveway and at the park. He loved his new scooter. This made Santa very happy!

The day we left North Carolina Jacob came up the steps of the basement and was crying out in pain. He said that his leg hurt. Let me tell you something about Jacob. He is NEVER sick. And when he is sick you would NEVER know. He is just such a happy-go-lucky kind of kid. Tod and I were instantly concerned and gave him some ibuprofen and headed home. We asked Jacob all kinds of questions and we decided he must have pulled a muscle from pumping the scooter.

Jacob rested all that day and the next day. The pain didn't get any better. Tod and I didn't sleep or eat much for two days. We were so worried about him. Saturday morning (New Year's Eve) we all hopped in the car and headed to the doctor. The doc agreed with us that Jacob had a pulled muscle and it will take about 3 weeks to heal. Three weeks! Jacob felt terrible that it would take that long to heal and now hated his new scooter.

That evening we were headed to a New Year's Eve party. I got the boys in the shower before we left. Jacob is 9 and I no longer supervise his bath time, however I was getting Brady dressed and I noticed all of these red bumps on Jacob's butt and lower back. It looked like little spider bites. All I could think of was what else can this kid get himself into?

The next morning there was no change. The pain was still in his leg and the bites were still there.

The next morning everything changed. Jacob had these little "bites" all over his right leg and the pain was still there. We headed back to the doctor. After the doc examined him and asked a hundred questions he asked us to wait a minute and left the room. He came back with another doctor and she examined him as well. I kept making goofy faces at Jacob to keep everything light, but inside I had this heavy sinking feeling that something was REALLY wrong.

The diagnosis...shingles. Yep, shingles. It took two doctors to diagnose shingles. Why? Only 5% of shingles cases are in children and Jacob is the first patient both of these doctors have had in their office to have shingles. We found out that there is nothing we can do to treat him except ibuprofen. The side effects of the medicine is so severe for children that they won't even prescribe it for them. They kind of have to suffer through it and it will take about 10 days to clear up and he isn't contagious.

On the ride home I asked Jacob how he is feeling. He said that he was happy. Happy? What makes you happy? He said that he was happy because it wasn't his scooter that hurt his leg. Well, that put things into perspective for me. We need to focus on the positive....always.

A Safe Place

About a month ago one of my friends had their home broken into. Luckily they were not home and only electronics were taken. The burglars did leave a big mess. Now they are left with the clean up but the bigger mess is they are now missing that feeling of safety in their own home.

I have to admit I have such a strong sense of safety in my own home. I know all of it's little creaks and sounds. Whenever I close the door behind me I just feel like I am in a safe place. I cannot imagine having that taken away from me. Having a stranger go through my belongings gives me the creeps.

I have been thinking a lot about this safe feeling. I remember as a kid I always felt safe wherever my parents were. Didn't matter where we were, just as long as they were there. Even after having a bad dream I knew they were just down the hall. I would pull my sheet over my head and disappear under its safeness and fall back to sleep.

What do you do after your one safe place is disrupted? How do you sleep? How do you get that strangeness out of the house?

I may just put my sheet over my head and remain in my little safe cocoon.

The Worst Book I Have Ever Read

Let me start out by saying I will read any book handed to me. I love all kinds of book genres...except horror/thriller. I read before bed and have learned sleep is very important so I cannot read anything scary before bedtime!! Lesson learned the hard way.

For the past eleven years I have been in the same book club. I love these girls and have read some great books that I would have never chosen. (I totally judge a book by its cover.) We have also picked some big stinkers too, but we always have a good laugh over a bad book pick. The selector always has some fantastic excuse on why they picked the book and it always is someone else's fault. This is why I love this bunch of girls. No feelings are hurt when someone dislikes a book.

Recently I have started a second book club with some close friends and neighbors. There are times I feel like I am cheating on my old book club by starting a new one, but I read so much that I can have room in my life for both. New book club has only met twice and we have read two books. The first was Firefly Lane by Kristen Hannah which was a great book about friendship. I am not saying that this was a great book because it was MY book choice, but it was simply a great read.

Our second book is The Chateau by C.D. Swanson. This book is by far the worst book I have ever read. I should have clued in when the book was not even offered at the library. I had to throw away $7.99 for the Kindle version on Amazon. After reading all of the rave 5 star reviews on Amazon (over 30 of them) I was excited about reading this book. I quickly discovered I had been duped. The first paragraph switches from first person to third person back to first person narrative. Confusing. I had to put the book down after about 10 pages. It is not like me to not finish a book. So I trudged on. Finally I vocalized my opinion to Tod and started reading passages from the book to him. We both got a good laugh out of the grammatical errors and misspellings.

After finishing the worst book I have ever read I decided to go on Amazon to write a book review which I have never done before. I gave a 1 star review on this book and I wasn't nasty or insulting. I just gave the facts. The book was poorly written. My review was never published on Amazon. I was sent an email saying that my review was denied by the author. Yep, denied by the author. Now I know why there are all 5 star reviews. I have been duped!!

We will meet in January to discuss this book. I am anxious to find out how the other book clubbers felt about this book.

Happy Birthday, Brady!

Happy Birthday to my sweet Brady!! I cannot believe he is already six years old. I am just so amazed at how much he has grown this year. It has been a big year for Brady with starting Kindergarten, or "big boy school" as he calls it.

Brady is always full of crazy surprises. He is the only kid I know that can tell you the entire process of making steel or take you step by step on a journey through a recycling center. His love of trucks, machines, and piles of dirt proves that he is "all boy"....but he is gives out the "I love you's" so freely that makes me melt every time I hear it. I love you, Brady! Enjoy your day!

Another Goal Reached

Tomorrow I will privately celebrate my 6 month anniversary of running every day. I cannot believe that I have lasted 6 months!!

About a year ago I started running to lose weight. I just figured that it was the easiest and fastest way to exercise. (Since I despise exercising.) Then it became a chore. Then I just stopped running all together. Just wasn't into it.

After reading the article in the New York Times about a group of people that run each and every day (rain or shine) I had to do some reevaluating. Tod and I decided to challenge ourselves to run every day. I have to admit I started out with a goal to run every day for one week. That's it. One week. Then I kept pushing the goal further and further into the future. I changed it to one month, then two months, then three...you get the picture. Well I have finally reached my 6 month goal.

Since I am confessing to my hatred of exercising....I shall confess more.

I started running to lose weight and get in shape. Seems like a good weight loss plan to me. However, I was very disappointed that the pounds didn't just fly off my body. Then someone said to me that they were surprised that I was running at all. They told that I didn't seem athletic enough to be a runner. That I didn't have the right "body type" to run. Well that just fueled my fire. I dropped the desire to run for weight loss. I was running to prove this person wrong. Ha! In your face!

Well, that only lasted about a week. I wanted my runs to be a positive experience. I want to run every day to prove to myself that it can be done. I want to run for my husband so he is proud of me. I want to run for my kids and set a good and healthy example. I want to run for my friends so we can share our experiences. And, most importantly, I want to run for those who can't.

A friend recommended the book Mile Markers by Kristin Armstrong to me. I am totally in love with this book and want everyone to read it. She is such an inspiration. She inspires me to inspire others. While reading this book I realized that I use my runs as my "me" time. I use it to work out my problems, schedule my day, or just dream about what I want to do with my life.

I don't' know what my next goal will be. I do know I will keep running for positive reasons. And I will continue to run every day (rain or shine).